Whether your teen has started skipping meals or you’re worried about their weight, it’s not easy to talk to a teenager about a potential eating disorder. After all, you could be making something out of nothing, and what parent wants to further exacerbate any kind of confrontation with their child?
But you should say something. That’s because according to teenage eating disorder statistics, over one-half of all teenage girls and almost one-third of teenage boys suffer from some kind of eating disorder, which is illustrated by skipping meals, fasting, vomiting after meals and taking laxatives.
If you’ve noticed any of these tell-tale signs of teenage eating disorders, it’s important to be vigilant. One skipped meal isn’t cause for alarm, and a diet doesn’t necessarily mean an eating disorder, but if you get the feeling as a parent that something odd is going on, it’s best to get it out in the open. Once you open up that dialogue, you’ll be able to better understand what’s happening and whether your child needs help.
How to Talk To a Teenager About an Eating Disorder Before you broach the subject with your teenager, it’s important to know what you’re talking about. Spend a few minutes online and read up on eating disorders and know the three main types. They are: anorexia, bulimia and binge eating disorder. Depending on the behaviors you’re seeing, you may have an idea of which disorder is at play, as well as a line of questioning that may help you get to the heart of the matter. You don’t want to push too hard, but you also don’t want to let the discussion devolve or get derailed, either.
To make it official, tell your child that you’d like to discuss something important with them and that you’d like them to set aside some time for it. Define a time and place that you’ll hold the discussion, and ensure that you’ll have plenty of privacy and quiet during the talk.
If you’re searching for a way to kick things off, start with an “I” statement, such as, “I feel like something’s going on with you.” That makes it less of an accusation and your concerns can come to the forefront. You want to reaffirm that you’re worried about your child, not that they’re doing anything wrong, which can create an antagonistic stance that may make it harder to have an open and frank discussion about your teenager’s eating disorder.
Even still, you should expect some resistance. If your child does happen to be working their way through an eating disorder, they may be overly defensive or in denial. That could come out as anger or fear, and they still might not admit it. They’ve worked hard to hide their behavior from you, and they may be embarrassed that you noticed.
Whatever you do, try to stay calm, especially if your teen escalates. If you get into that big blowout, your teen could try to walk away and end the conversation before you really get started.
Most importantly, you’ll want to listen. Teenage eating disorders are serious business, and your teen likely has their reasons for engaging in their behavior. This isn’t the time to judge. Listen with empathy and declare that you’re looking out for their health and safety. Sometimes, teens may not realize the gravity of an eating disorder and how it can follow them into adulthood and impact their lives -- but don’t try to judge, lecture or comment on their feelings right away.
Give the discussion time to develop and chime in only when there’s an opening. If you have any experience with an eating disorder, bring that up in your discussion. It’ll help your child understand that they’re not in this alone, and you may be able to share important points with your child without them feeling like you’re attacking them.
How To Help a Teenager With an Eating Disorder Once you’ve established that your teenager has an eating disorder, it’s time to seek out help. Talk to your teen about their struggles and their options for treatment. Don’t just leave it up to them – they might just work on hiding their eating disorder from you. Make a plan together with your teen and stick with it.
Whether you decide on some kind of support group, therapy or another approach, there are many places where your teenager can find support for their eating disorder. From the local Overeaters Anonymous chapter or various online support forums, many groups are free and open to teens.
If you know there’s a problem but your child is being unresponsive and won’t admit to it, try again. It may take several attempts before your teen comes clean about what’s going on, especially if they’re fearful of what you might say or do. Be sure to tell them that you’re on their side and that you’re here if they want to talk or they need help, and eventually your child should come around.
At home, you can also get your child more involved with meal planning so that they can understand how to eat healthy and what healthy eating habits look like. Eating together as a family can reaffirm those positive eating behaviors, as can preparing or cooking meals together.
Set limits, but resist the urge to be the food police. Arguments over food is a surefire way to force your child to hide or lie about their behavior, but there should be consequences if a meal is missed or you notice something suspicious. Losing phone privileges or instituting a curfew can help reduce the urge to engage in damaging behaviors, and it can help to reaffirm that you’re doing it all for their safety.
Seek Out Professional Help While your teen won’t likely volunteer themselves for therapy or another method of treatment, an eating disorder is serious. A few weeks of a certain behavior can turn into months and years if left unchecked, so it’s important for you to get your child the help they need for their teenage eating disorder before it becomes a life-long affliction.
Here at Quick Results Counseling, we believe that everyone should have access to qualified mental health treatment. Whether in person or online, we’re open early in the morning and late in the evening to fit just about anyone’s schedule, and we’ll even throw in a free, 45-minute consultation so that you can determine whether or not it’s a good fit. Learn how QRC can help you and your child find peace.