 When you're feeling anxious, it can seem like the moment won't ever pass. "Just relax" and "breathe" are nice platitudes, but when the fear strikes it can feel like you're spiraling out of control. Whether your heart quickens or a cold sweat overcomes you, or whether it's all just too much to deal with and you need to escape to a safer place, anxiety is a natural response to stress.
We all have different ways of dealing with stressors in our lives. But regardless of what we use to cope, anxiety is a very real aspect of modern day life. You could be triggered by work, problems at home or even worldwide events -- looking at you, Covid-19. However, just because something feels overwhelming doesn't mean it has to take over your life. There are a lot of challenging aspects to navigating day-to-day life, and the first step towards the calm you need to make it work is to get in front of your anxiety before it takes hold. They're called anxiety management techniques, and utilizing them when you feel your anxiety cresting is a great way to stay composed and in control of your feelings and your interactions with other people. It all starts with identifying your triggers, those things that send you spiraling and in search of some fast relief, giving you a chance at managing an anxiety attack before it takes hold. Still, coping with anxiety is a daily struggle for some, and finding the right coping mechanism is trial-and-error process that can take months to figure out, even with the help of a professional. But for lesser forms of anxiety, proper anxiety management techniques can help you focus enough to complete your tasks, or at least prevent an issue from quickly escalating into something bigger. Some are thought experiments that are designed to help challenge a damaging train of thought, while others reach the mind through our senses or our body. They're not necessarily successful 100 percent of the time -- what technique is? -- but they can help you wage an in-the-moment challenge before the worry takes hold. If your anxiety is driven by an upcoming event, encounter or interaction, the good news is that what you're feeling will likely be short-lived and will fade away after the event takes place. If it doesn't, you could be dealing with a longer-term issue, though you may have also misidentified your trigger. But whether you know what's pulling at your psyche, there are various anxiety management techniques that can have you feeling better in short order. First up -- do a deep dive into why you're feeling this way. Challenge your negative thoughts with positivity and see if you can't shift your perception. It's called questioning your thought pattern, and it can give you new insight into why you're feeling fearful or anxious about something. It can also help to talk to a friend or trusted family member -- as long as they're not one of your triggers, otherwise you could risk the onset of more severe symptoms that could be more difficult to overcome. Another anxiety management technique is to, yes, breathe. It sounds like a cliché because it is -- but it can really work. With focused, deep breathing where you count out slow, drawn-out breaths over the course of several minutes, you'll actually slow your heart rate, which should help reduce the anxiety you feel. Start by breathing in over the course of four seconds, then breathe out for another four seconds. Repeat this for five minutes or until you start to feel relief. If needed, you can continue deep breathing for as long as you'd like. Aromatherapy is yet another anxiety management technique that can actually activate certain receptors in your brain, easing your anxiety while giving you a room full of calming scents. Whether you enjoy candles, oils, incense, sage or other herbs, be sure to pick a smell and activity that you can get into. Now's not the time to go for the craziest bit of incense you can find -- go with the comfort and smell of something you're fond of. Lavender, sandalwood and chamomile are common favorites, but take some time to find the right one for you. If you're feeling overwhelmed like you have a ton of pent up energy, one of the best anxiety management techniques is to go for a walk, hit the gym or settle in for a nice 15 or 20 minutes of yoga. The physical activity will give your body something to do while your mind is focused on the task at hand, and sometimes getting out is better than staying cooped up indoors while you let your feelings fester. Like our first anxiety management technique, this next technique is about facing the issue head-on. If you're feeling overwhelmed, grab a journal, computer or your favorite way to jot stuff down and just start writing it out. Getting your feelings out on paper or the screen can be a great way to organize your thoughts and to make it all seem a little less daunting. When you write it down and then come back to it later, it can also help contextualize your feelings in the moment, giving you insight into the role that time plays in the battle with anxiety. Long-Term Anxiety Management Techniques But if your anxiety is long-lasting or more severe than can be addressed with some anxiety management techniques, you may need more specialized help. Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) can be a years-long or a lifetime battle, and the techniques we outlined above may not do the trick when it comes to more severe anxiety and other mental health issues. For more serious anxieties, you'll need to adopt behavioral changes and other things that can help you stay ahead of your anxiety. One long-term anxiety management technique is cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT. CBT combines cognitive therapy and behavioral therapy into one treatment that is designed to address your thoughts and belief systems, as well as your moods and actions. Instead of looking at the outside world and its triggers, CBT asks how you can adapt to the world around you, addressing your problems and developing approaches on how to solve them. At its core, CBT is intended to change a patient's behavior and way of thinking, substituting poor habits with healthier ones. Daily meditation is another long-term anxiety management technique, and there are various meditation techniques to try if one isn't doing it for you. The important part is to do it regularly, developing a habit of mindful meditation instead of only seeking it out when your anxiety gets the best of you. With regular meditation, you'll eventually train the brain to discard the anxious thoughts during your normal, day-to-day activities or whenever a triggering event competes for your attention. Diet can also be a long-term anxiety management technique, where poor eating habits are replaced by healthy ones that target certain foods or supplements such as green tea, lemon balm, omega-3 fatty acids, ashwagandha, valerian root, kava kava and dark chocolate. Like with most things, moderation is the key to success, but eating right can have you feeling better and dealing with less anxiety in as little as a few months. If all else fails, or if your anxiety is increasing and you feel like nothing's working, you may need professional help to keep the anxiety at bay. Here at Quick Results Counseling, we provide Bay Area and online counseling for anxiety and other mental health issues. Unlike the trope of year-after-year counseling, we believe that most clients can be discharged from mental health counseling after 12 to 24 sessions, or three to six months. Book a free, 45-minute consultation call and get started on your path towards an anxiety-free life today.
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 We all have those nagging thoughts. But when they become thoughts you can't shake or they start to affect your relationships, school or work, or the things you used to enjoy, you may need the help of a professional. Only a professional can take that serious question -- should I see a therapist? -- and give you the context and tools you need to take charge of your life. Whether you call it therapy, counseling or just plain talking, a therapist can help you deal with any mental health concern or emotional difficulty, and it may not take as long as you think to get to the bottom of the issue. Contrary to the common belief that therapy is something that lasts years and years, most issues can be resolved with a handful of visits over the course of a few months. True therapy isn't about making you dependent on its advice, but to help you cope with the challenges that life throws your way with real skills and tools. In fact, most therapy sessions are about an hour in length and with today's technology they can be conducted remotely while you're at home or in another safe place. In therapy, you'll learn how to deal with your symptoms instead of covering them up with medicine, which lasts way longer than a prescription ever will. Indeed, good therapy should have an expiration date, whereby the skills you gain enables you to deal with your issues without needing future treatment, and that's more than you could ever say about a drug that's only effective while you're taking it. Recent studies also show that mental health issues are quite common, with about one out of every five adults reporting suffering from a mental health condition, and that almost five percent of adults live with a serious mental health condition that greatly affects their day-to-day life. However, less than half of all people with mental health issues seek help for their condition, which often means that over time the issue gets worse. Left untreated, mental health issues can also lead to difficulty at work or school, poor relationships with friends and family, an increased risk of other health issues, and even hospitalization or suicide. Unfortunately, suicide is the leading cause of death for Americans between the ages of 10 and 34, and nine out of 10 people that commit suicide were suffering from a mental health condition. So let's ask that question again: "Should I see a therapist?" While we would never say that anyone needs therapy without reviewing your case itself, it's important that those considering therapy choose to get help on their own. Therapy's one of those things where you'll get as much out of it as you put in, meaning that motivation is a huge part of whether or not therapy will work. You have to be open to the insights and skills you'll learn in therapy for it to be effective, and a stubborn or adversarial approach to therapy makes it that much harder to break through, if it happens at all. Think of it like a healthy lifestyle. If you get no exercise and eat terribly, one salad or a walk around the block isn't going to cut it. You need to turn your bad behaviors into good behaviors and make them a daily habit, whether it's going on a bike ride each day or cutting out the junk from your diet. It's no different with mental health. Over time, bad behaviors become reinforced and self-serving, and you need to break the cycle of negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones that allow you to see the change that you're capable of making. Should I Go to Therapy? The first step in deciding whether you should go to therapy is to determine whether you're ready. Therapy will only work if you're up to it, so you've got to be on board and willing to work on your mental health before you'll see any benefits. Once you've decided that therapy might be for you, think about what you want to get out of therapy. The American Psychological Association says that therapy can be helpful when any issue starts affecting your life, such as if you spend more than an hour each day thinking about or coping with a specific issue; if you're embarrassed or if you start to avoid others due to a specific issue; if an issue has led to a deterioration in the quality of your life; if your relationships, school or work suffers due to an issue; or if you've developed problematic coping mechanisms for issues that have started to control your life. When in doubt, it doesn't hurt to seek the advice of a professional. Many therapists will provide a free, short consultation to prospective clients to see if therapy can help resolve an issue, and they'll also be able to provide context for issues that may be less severe or that may need another approach. Emotions or Feelings That May Need therapy
About Quick Results Counseling Here at Quick Results Counseling in the Bay Area, we believe that therapy is a great tool to help address mental health issues. Even if you've tried therapy before and it didn't work, if you were antagonistic to the process before and now you're ready, it could be the perfect time to get into therapy again. Sometimes therapy just takes time, and it's not like after the first session you'll be well on your way to recovery. The first session is a great start, but in our experience it takes 12 to 24 sessions over the course of three to six months before tangible progress is made. If it's a life transition problem, you may beat it and never look back, and that's great. Other issues may be more involved, but you likely don't need years of therapy. We believe in diagnosing, addressing and eliminating problems in our clients, and a multi-year therapy engagement is only for the most serious of cases. If you believe that therapy might help you with a mental health issue, please contact the professionals at Quick Results Counseling. 
If you’re part of a couple, chances are you understand that at certain times, things can become difficult. Sometimes it’s because of circumstances outside of your realm of control, such as if one of you loses a job, a loved one passes away or something else happens that no one saw coming. However, there are also times when things slowly begin to decay between the two of you, whether one of those outside events intervenes and exacerbates things or not. Regardless, every couple goes through good times and bad, and it’s the difficult times that define whether or not a couple is going to make it together for the long haul. When two people love each other, they want to do everything possible to stay together, which is why so many of them go to counseling.
However, this is a form of help that’s unfamiliar to many people, and to some there’s a stigma attached to it that gives them pause. That’s unfortunate, because this type of effort really helps people and it has saved countless couples over time. Quick Results Counseling has also helped many couples see their way through tough times and emerge on the other side happy together. Given this hesitation a lot of people experience, we’d like to offer some insight into what to expect from couples therapy. If you’re thinking you could use this type of help but you’re not sure what to expect, please read on and hopefully you’ll become more comfortable with what you may encounter. It's Not About Blame
One of the reasons that people may not know what to expect from couples therapy is that they have seen it depicted many times in Hollywood, and these depictions are rarely positive. Either couples therapy is panned in some way as a farce or it’s presented in a way that shows nasty, hurtful exchanges taking place for an hour at a time. This is unfortunate, but we need to remember that Hollywood is not a truth factory, but rather a storytelling factory. What you see in the media isn’t always meant to be accurate – it’s meant to be entertaining.
What you should expect from couples therapy is to not talk about assigning blame to either person for anything. What you have been saying is 100% true; what your partner is saying is also 100% true. However, both of you are having parallel conversations, and you are not speaking about the same things. These sessions will help you get across what you are trying to communicate at the core level, so your partner can hear you. Sessions are not about blame, fault, shame or guilt. Instead, it’s about figuring out what you truly meant, what caused those feelings, and how to avoid having these situations arise again. That can’t happen if all you do in couples therapy sessions is argue about who should be held accountable for what – it’s highly likely that failing to agree on that is a big part of what led you down this road in the first place. It’s time to get off of that road. It IS About Improving Communication
Every couple’s dynamic is built upon a foundation of truth, trust and the like, but even more important from a functionality standpoint, a couple depends on healthy and clear communication. If you and your partner argue often, take an internal look back at what led to it. Chances are you said something that your partner didn’t like or vice versa, and everything devolved quickly from there. What started as a pleasant or even a basic everyday conversation suddenly became a heated exchange. Did you ever look back on these disagreements and think, “How in the world did that happen?” If so, it’s likely because of a communication breakdown.
In terms of what to expect from couples therapy, especially when you work with Quick Results Consulting, you should expect to work hard on your communication approaches and practices with your partner. If your partner is constantly saying the same thing, then that is not the issue. The first 5 layers of the onion is merely surface talk. Do not fall for it. What they are really trying to say starts at the 18th - 28th layer.You just have to do this once. Then it is a plug-and-play situation, after that. This will likely involve education on how to have healthy arguments, how to come together and get to a win-win solution, and making up after the fight. You may utilize some role playing and scenario planning, especially if certain situations arise regularly that often lead to arguments. This will help you handle these situations more calmly and civilly in the future, and it could help avoid quite a few nasty arguments that leave both of you with hurt feelings. You Both Need to Be Committed
If you’ve been in a relationship in the past that didn’t work out, it would surprise no one in the counseling field to find out that it was because one person was more committed to it than the other. For whatever reason, people sometimes think they are committed to a relationship when it turns out they are not, and they realize this when something else comes along. That same lack of symmetry of commitment when it comes to couples counseling will more often than not lead to a lack of success with this effort. (I need to edit this entire line)After all, if you both don’t want the same things, you’re not going to pursue common goals together. The fastest way to find out if you want the same things is to do 4 assessments, that will give us a 60-80 page report on the both of you, before you step into a therapist’s office. You may think that this person has commitment issues around marriage, or around having children, but the problem may actually be around their self-esteem. Being committed to solving the right problem is very important in couples therapy.
With regards to what to expect from couples therapy, you should at least discuss your desires with each other before taking this step. If you both have the same goal with regards to it, then that’s great and you should keep moving forward. If you do not, then it may be a sign that things were not meant to be, although you should still at least talk to a therapist about this before making that difficult decision. How Quick Results Counseling Can Help
Ultimately, what to expect from couples therapy will also depend on whom you work with to get through those tough times. If you choose to work with Quick Results Counseling, then you can expect to go through a thorough assessment before you begin along with a progression through defined, tangible stages that help you achieve your common goals in the end. We’ve been helping couples all over the Bay Area for years, and we hope that you’ll reach out to us if you’re having problems. Most of our couples are able to graduate from therapy within 12 - 24 sessions. Your relationship does not have many issues; it has one. The one issue sips into many areas and creates many problems. We do not have to solve all the problems. At Quick Results Counseling, we help you find and solve the issue. You will then be given the tools and skills to solve your own problems, and will really not need a therapist after that. If this sounds like something you would like, we look forward to working with you so you can both live the happy life together that you deserve.
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Dr. Jayn Psy.D.CEO of a San Francisco Bay Area group practice. She specializes in trauma treatment in adults and children Archives
May 2021
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