What To Expect from Couples Therapy

If you’re part of a couple, chances are you understand that at certain times, things can become difficult. Sometimes it’s because of circumstances outside of your realm of control, such as if one of you loses a job, a loved one passes away or something else happens that no one saw coming. However, there are also times when things slowly begin to decay between the two of you, whether one of those outside events intervenes and exacerbates things or not. Regardless, every couple goes through good times and bad, and it’s the difficult times that define whether or not a couple is going to make it together for the long haul. When two people love each other, they want to do everything possible to stay together, which is why so many of them go to counseling. 

However, this is a form of help that’s unfamiliar to many people, and to some there’s a stigma attached to it that gives them pause. That’s unfortunate, because this type of effort really helps people and it has saved countless couples over time. Quick Results Counseling has also helped many couples see their way through tough times and emerge on the other side happy together. Given this hesitation a lot of people experience, we’d like to offer some insight into what to expect from couples therapy. If you’re thinking you could use this type of help but you’re not sure what to expect, please read on and hopefully you’ll become more comfortable with what you may encounter.

It's Not About Blame

One of the reasons that people may not know what to expect from couples therapy is that they have seen it depicted many times in Hollywood, and these depictions are rarely positive. Either couples therapy is panned in some way as a farce or it’s presented in a way that shows nasty, hurtful exchanges taking place for an hour at a time. This is unfortunate, but we need to remember that Hollywood is not a truth factory, but rather a storytelling factory. What you see in the media isn’t always meant to be accurate – it’s meant to be entertaining.

What you should expect from couples therapy is to not talk about assigning blame to either person for anything. What you have been saying is 100% true; what your partner is saying is also 100% true. However, both of you are having parallel conversations, and you are not speaking about the same things. These sessions will help you get across what you are trying to communicate at the core level, so your partner can hear you. Sessions are not about blame, fault, shame or guilt. Instead, it’s about figuring out what you truly meant, what caused those feelings, and how to avoid having these situations arise again. That can’t happen if all you do in couples therapy sessions is argue about who should be held accountable for what – it’s highly likely that failing to agree on that is a big part of what led you down this road in the first place. It’s time to get off of that road.

It IS About Improving Communication

Every couple’s dynamic is built upon a foundation of truth, trust and the like, but even more important from a functionality standpoint, a couple depends on healthy and clear communication. If you and your partner argue often, take an internal look back at what led to it. Chances are you said something that your partner didn’t like or vice versa, and everything devolved quickly from there. What started as a pleasant or even a basic everyday conversation suddenly became a heated exchange. Did you ever look back on these disagreements and think, “How in the world did that happen?” If so, it’s likely because of a communication breakdown.

In terms of what to expect from couples therapy, especially when you work with Quick Results Consulting, you should expect to work hard on your communication approaches and practices with your partner. If your partner is constantly saying the same thing, then that is not the issue. The first 5 layers of the onion is merely surface talk. Do not fall for it. What they are really trying to say starts at the 18th - 28th layer.You just have to do this once. Then it is a plug-and-play situation, after that. This will likely involve education on how to have healthy arguments, how to come together and get to a win-win solution, and making up after the fight. You may utilize some role playing and scenario planning, especially if certain situations arise regularly that often lead to arguments. This will help you handle these situations more calmly and civilly in the future, and it could help avoid quite a few nasty arguments that leave both of you with hurt feelings.

You Both Need to Be Committed

If you’ve been in a relationship in the past that didn’t work out, it would surprise no one in the counseling field to find out that it was because one person was more committed to it than the other. For whatever reason, people sometimes think they are committed to a relationship when it turns out they are not, and they realize this when something else comes along. That same lack of symmetry of commitment when it comes to couples counseling will more often than not lead to a lack of success with this effort. (I need to edit this entire line)After all, if you both don’t want the same things, you’re not going to pursue common goals together. The fastest way to find out if you want the same things is to do 4 assessments, that will give us a 60-80 page report on the both of you, before you step into a therapist’s office. You may think that this person has commitment issues around marriage, or around having children, but the problem may actually be around their self-esteem. Being committed to solving the right problem is very important in couples therapy.  
​
With regards to what to expect from couples therapy, you should at least discuss your desires with each other before taking this step. If you both have the same goal with regards to it, then that’s great and you should keep moving forward. If you do not, then it may be a sign that things were not meant to be, although you should still at least talk to a therapist about this before making that difficult decision.

How Quick Results Counseling Can Help

Ultimately, what to expect from couples therapy will also depend on whom you work with to get through those tough times. If you choose to work with Quick Results Counseling, then you can expect to go through a thorough assessment before you begin along with a progression through defined, tangible stages that help you achieve your common goals in the end. We’ve been helping couples all over the Bay Area for years, and we hope that you’ll reach out to us if you’re having problems. Most of our couples are able to graduate from therapy within 12 - 24 sessions. Your relationship does not have many issues; it has one. The one issue sips into many areas and creates many problems. We do not have to solve all the problems. At Quick Results Counseling, we help you find and solve the issue. You will then be given the tools and skills to solve your own problems, and will really not need a therapist after that. If this sounds like something you would like, we look forward to working with you so you can both live the happy life together that you deserve.