Good Relationship Advice No One Tells You

Every relationship needs work. Sometimes things are great. Sometimes they're decidedly less so. But the ebbs and flows are a normal part of healthy relationships, and you're bound to hit rocky roads at some point. The important thing is to talk it out and not let those lingering issues fester. Besides, the more you talk, the more you'll understand where your partner is coming from, as well as what you might be able to do to help so that you can have a happier, more fulfilling relationship with your better half.
But that doesn't mean blowing up at the slightest issue. There are constructive and harmful ways to communicate with your partner, and for any of it to work, you'll both have to work at it. That means listening in addition to speaking your mind, and knowing when you may need the mediating professionalism of a relationship counselor. Some couples are great at communicating while others may need a third party to ensure that each side gets their say, but regardless of where you sit, here's some good relationship advice to bring to the table.

Don't Be a Pushover
Some people believe that not rocking the boat is the most important part of being in a long-term relationship. But if you don't speak your mind, your partner may take you for granted or think that you're okay with how things are going. If you're not, that could lead to an abusive dynamic where only the needs of one is considered. Over the long haul, it could also mean growing apart instead of growing together, which is exactly the opposite of what you're trying to do by going with the flow. By speaking your mind and speaking up when something bothers you, you'll be asserting yourself in your relationship, and that can do wonders for a strong and balanced relationship dynamic.

Be Aware of Relationship Patterns
Good relationship advice is more than just communicating more and speaking your mind. Many couples may have the same fight over and over, albeit under different situations, because of common patterns that we fall into. Sometimes it can be an attempt to test boundaries or to see if something different may pan out this time around, but until you can identify the traps of patterned behavior, you may be doomed to repeat it. The good news is that if you're both on the lookout for patterns, you can use that to increase your understanding and growth, and to work with your partner to move beyond it.

Closeness Is Not Intimacy
Many people may confuse closeness with intimacy, but they're not the same thing. Closeness speaks to your comfort level with your partner and how secure and familiar the relationship is. For the most part, closeness is also largely unspoken. Intimacy, on the other hand, is almost the opposite. It's about being in the moment, spontaneity, taking new risks and surprising your partner with new and exciting things to do and experience together. A relationship with all intimacy and no closeness -- as well as all closeness and no intimacy -- is not a sustainable and strong relationship. Good relationship advice dictates that there should be a healthy balance of closeness and intimacy, which is something all couples should strive for.

Be Compassionate, Not Confrontational
It's inevitable that you and your partner will have disagreements from time to time. You might even seriously hurt your partner's feelings or vice versa. But if something like that should happen, one piece of good relationship advice is that you should approach any argument or disagreement with empathy and compassion. When your partner sees that you understand where they're coming from and your role in it all, you'll be able to get beyond the issue and overcome feelings of resentment by replacing them with a stronger bond. That can help repair the relationship in a less-than-ideal situation, and the bridges that you build with your partner will strengthen the relationship.

It's Okay To Be Angry, but Don't Lash Out
Some couples may elect to stuff that anger deep down inside, never confronting the issues that are jeopardizing their relationship. But it's okay to be angry. Use that anger to make positive changes in your life or your relationship. After determining what's wrong, you can then identify what needs to change and how you can bring about that change. If it's something that your partner's doing, talk it out. If it's something that your partner wouldn't want you to do, tell them, and talk about the double standard. If you lash out or direct your anger at your partner, you'll likely only be driving them away, which will make it harder to have that conversation and move past it in the first place.

Embrace Your Partner (Literally and Figuratively)
With everything that you and your partner have on your plates these days, it can be difficult to slow things down and take a minute for your relationship. A simple hug or some dedicated time where you and your partner can spend some time together can do wonders for a relationship. Despite our best intentions, it's too easy to not give your partner the attention that they deserve, though it's not hard to take time out of the day to invest in your relationship. Whether your partner just needs a hug or some quality time together, it's always great to feel love, and it can help you nurture your relationship, especially if your better half is feeling scorned or unloved.

Dedicate Time to the Tough Discussions
If you're trying to have that big, knock-down and drag-out fight when your partner is on the way out to work or as you're driving home -- there's no point. You'll never be able to say all the things you want to say, and the only thing you'll do is create a sense of animosity or resentment for the timing of it all. Instead, a piece of good relationship advice is to make time for those important discussions. Or, if a discussion you're having is running long and either you or your partner have to be somewhere else, you can always pause the discussion for picking up later. That way you can move past the argument and get back to life and return when the timing works.
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If you've been having more arguments and disagreements with your partner lately and you're falling into the same patterns, you may need the good relationship advice of a professional. Book an in-person or online appointment today and get a free, 45-minute consultation call.